simmico Hello lovers of the world! I know, I know, it's a bit 'are you waiting for this update, but want the Easter holidays, you want is a major update, it took me more time before posting! I reread it twice, I hope not to have missed errors: D
Happy reading!
happened a number of things that led me to where I am today, as if triggered a chain reaction. I tried to give a name to the cause, one that has moved everything and today I found two words that seem more or less suitable Calm. Unbearable silence, a silence noisy. My life seemed to go nowhere.
But let's order.
Chase and I were together ... months, almost a year.
We were good together, I loved him, he loved me, wanted nothing more at the beginning. I thought Chase was the solution, the only one capable of replacing them aggiuistare of what was wrong with me, because, yes, I was wrong. Who was Rose Mary Vaughan? A beautiful girl full complexes. I was short, or rather, I felt like a living contradiction. I was surrounded by people I excellent reputation, all with a great talent, I am almost ashamed to be a Vaughan, I, whose only talent was ... no, not there, my talent is not there, my star did not shine.
Dad was famous throughout the region, was present in the dreams of his generation. Mom's paintings hung in any bar or restaurant in town, Kim was already a rising star in the orchestra.
what I was? What did I have? I Chase. Having
he made me feel useless and I thought I could live this way all my life, but I was wrong.
Soon that feeling came back to haunt me.
Mom and Dad were both over 70 and yet you loved him as if he was the first day.
more I looked at them the more I tried to imagine me and Chase for their age, I tried, but I could not, every time a black wall in my mind was put between me and the image of us married, older, love. Yet I knew I love him, I knew that there could be no other. I could not imagine my life side by side with another man but at the same time I could not envision our future, the image was dying every time I try. "It 's normal?" I I asked, "No, not" wrong and I felt even more.
To me it seemed to him that life goes on normally as before, while I had wanted to scream, run away, but I could not, perhaps out of fear or shame. I decided that there was no way out, I resigned, I was sick of trying to figure out my head, so I took the voice of my thoughts were always there, but not allow him to torment. Now I realize that I was slowly dying.
Then something happened.
My father left us suddenly one day.
The pain woke me up from my slumber. I cried, but I felt to be alive
watched my mother, who was trying to be strong for her children and realized that I had to be strong for her, that she needed me
Those days seemed to pass ever. Endless visits to relatives, friends, acquaintances, neighbors, everyone was happy to recall some memories, some funny story ... Chase was a ghost, but had not felt the need to close it, I needed to myself, to know that I would have made by myself ...
This was why we quarreled one night, our first fight
... but then everything was back to normal, the only difference being that something had changed in me, death My father had started something in me, I wanted to find my place in the world and not live my life passively.
About a month later, that meeting changed my life in medicine.
In theory I would not have been able to participate, as a mere nurse, but as it is held in a city hospital, the surgeon made me have a pass. I do not know why I went there, perhaps to bind the other weekend, the alternative was going out with Chase and the new loving couple, Kim and her boyfriend Josh, and the thing I did not own.
The conference was over sooner than expected and since I did not want to go home, I went to dinner with a journalist who had known the conference was called Peter
and worked at River View. He was a very weird, a little 'funny and goofy, deadpan to the advances of a girl in underwear (oddities in Sunset Valley ndb). He talked talked talked, seemed to lose heart. He told me of his travels in Africa, which he loved and had seen many times with his father who was a doctor without borders ... doctor without borders ... three magic little words ...
We spent a whole night talking about doctors without borders, the more he told me the more I became convinced that I was there that my path was to take in Africa. There was such a strong feeling in me, something I had not mai provato prima, che mi esaltava, mi spingeva avanti. Mi svegliai con il sorgere del sole in spiaggia, sulla sdraio accanto il mio amico giornalista dormiva beatamente. Corsi all'ospedale, riempii un modulo e tornai a casa. Sarei partita, non appena mi avrebbero chiamata sarei partita!
A casa Chase era sveglio e arrabbiato, giustamente, dato che non ero rientrata in casa la sera prima.
"Mi dici dove sei stata tutta la notte? mi hai fatto stare in pensiero, ti avrò chiamato 3000 volte al cellulare"
C'era solo l'Africa nei miei pensieri... era quello che stavo cercando, era la soluzione, era lì il mio posto, era lì che dovevo cercare me stessa
"Chase I'm leaving, going away, in Africa, I can not keep living here, I can not continue to be with you"
And so I was playing, far from home, away from family, away from Chase
I was two years and four months in that paradise. Lilongwe, Malawi, in a field just outside the city. My job was to take care of orphaned children with other doctors and teachers.
was another world. We see it on television, in newspapers, on websites, but living it is another thing. It 'a unique experience, there is a conception of man and nature that we have lost Who knows how many centuries ago! And 'where a human being is realized in its entirety, every part of you is in harmony with nature, which is not a simple outline of the environment in which we live, but lives with us, lives, breathes, is bigger than us, but what we would like to keep to herself. The man takes the nature as it keeps to itself?
But the most important thing is that I found myself! Finally, I could answer that question so much that I had made a fool of, "Who is Rose Mary Vaughan?"
I had grown up in a society that wanted me to be amazing, that he expected me to paint great works of art because " is the daughter of Vanessa Vaughan " or churning out memorable melodies, this was probably the reason why I stopped already when I was little and I applied to painting I remember that I loved to paint. The reality is that I did not want the notoriety. Having a family, see their children grow up happy: this meant for me fulfilled in life! I had often thought of Chase ... with bitterness, because I knew that I had wasted my greatest opportunity, in my heart I knew how I loved him, but I was not sorry to be playing, I'd gone mad, or one of those mothers unbearable if I had not done.
The distance from home was the only thing that weighed on me. I missed my mother, I missed Kim ... I heard them constantly, my mother wrote a letter a day, letters were real because his masterpieces decorated as only she could do, but the best thing is that in those letters was a woman, a mother , my mother as I had never heard of it. If today you and I share a deep relationship is with those letters.
Kim, however, had married and had a daughter, Nunziata (who chooses the names involved are very beautiful ...! Ndb) I always sent photos photos photos. What was beautiful in the evening after a tiring day, sit at the table of the table and attach them all in an album that I bought in town, it was something I really liked, it relaxes me!
Two years and four months after my departure it was time to leave and go home. Today I wonder how my life would have been different if I were playing a few days before.
Two nights before leaving I was in the canteen and as usual filled the photo album Nunziata.
At one point, a man entered, which to me seemed to know ...
course!
"Excuse me, is not that there would be a phone?"
was Peter, the journalist's funny that I knew at that famous meeting, and I had spoken to the doctors without borders! It was only thanks to him that I was there at that moment!
"Hello! But you are Peter, do not you remember me? I am Rose Mary, we met at Sunset Valley 2 and a half years ago! "
" Oh ... Mary Rose! No! I can not believe! It 's amazing! What are you doing here? "
" I? I am a doctor without borders! Rather, what are you doing here! "
discovered that he had just returned from a safari and that she needed a hotel or something like that, before returning to River View. I convinced him to stay in the field, food and free accommodation in a small paradise, he could not refuse!
the next day to my surprise I found him still there. He was sitting on a bench and watched the children playing ball
"I thought I left this morning" I walked over and sat beside him
"My plane is here tomorrow and then you're fine, I do not want return to the chaos of the city "
talked all afternoon, was a strange guy, very intelligent, even sympathetic, told me of his safari, the tribes he met on the street, local customs, and I listened to him on the bench with squat dreamy eyes, I would like to know Africa as he knew him. Suddenly, I do not know what I teased, but I realized I have in front of a man who was not at all bad, tall, muscular, had his presence and I was a woman, were more than two years since I touched a man and in that sense, as they say, the flesh is flesh. Evidently he must have had the same thoughts, I could tell from his eyes, had changed, was not disinterested and detached gaze that he had all afternoon. As if they had disappeared before his eyes the images of landscapes, peoples, Africa and told him that I had appeared. I thought all through dinner and eventually I became convinced, I went to knock at her room
"Who is it?"
did not answer, I went directly to the door was not locked.
He was there, standing in front of me, wearing only pants, the carved chest that tickled me in the worst fantasies. There was nothing to say, I leaned against the door, he approached me and surrounded it with his big hands, I felt his breath, we both wanted the same thing here in the shadow of the African night.
The next day I was waiting for my flight home. Peter
even saw him, probably still asleep, not goodbye, it was not necessary, probably do not see him again for the rest of my life and I wanted to keep as a last memory the night before. And then it was time to greet the children in the field
I had promised myself not to cry but could not, I promised everyone that we would always be in touch and that I would write every week. He got on the plane, leaving my paradise, the most beautiful place in the world, no, it was more, was all that was good in me. I hope to return, indeed, I knew that I would come back, after that little field in the small African nation had become my home.
Here we are, finally, to today.
Immediately after returning from Africa, I began to experience nausea and little discomfort.
"Honey, is a sore of Africa" my mother told me "You'll see that it will pass
I waited a week, in the end I went to the hospital to do blood tests.
"But why not call Maria Elena? It is 11, had told me that back to me about half an hour ago! "
Maria Elena was a colleague of mine, told me that I would have called with the results of the analysis without making me go to the hospital
" Calm down baby, will have to do, you'll see it only nostalgia for Africa "my mother tried to reassure me stroking my hand, while my legs were moving neurotically.
Drriiiiiiiin Drriiiiiiiiiin
"Maria Elena??"
"Rose! I was not waiting at the phone, right? "He said laughing
" You have the results? "
" Yes, do not worry, no African incurable disease "
" So what? "
" ; Rose And then you're pregnant! "
